Review. Start Again.

Back.  I know.
WHY did it take me so long?
Again just fear.  Fear that someone I KNOW would read this.  Someone in my family would open the computer and log on and suddenly SEE.  I've wanted to blog SO often, but didn't have a private computer.  I was sure someone would log on and see...

As it is, now.  I have my OWN laptop.  (Well a friend had it, gave it to me because it's an extra at her work.)  So no one can log on and accidentally see that I am writing a blog again.

So I sit her in my 'quilt' room.  Which is really now a 'dance mom' room.  Full of daughters costumes. In various stages of prep/use.  And several.  Several unfinished quilts. Computer on quilting desk now.  Sewing machine on floor.  I really was NEVER very good at sewing, or quilting.  I enjoyed it as a hobby when I was STUCK at home with two small boys.  I'm still often stuck home with them...but they are now 22 and 20.  Need much less supervision. Have you hear of Fragile X Syndrome?  It's the THING that defines my existence many days.  My two boys have it.  It's basically mental retardation.  Now an unpopular term.  We only can say intellectual disability.  But it just doesn't have the gravity to it.  And really.  There's gravity.  It is crushingly sad on sooooo many days.  And yet, there is LOTS of laughter.  Lots of goofing around with adult men who act like they are six.  Power Rangers still abide in their hearts.  Power Rangers  and Doctor Who, and any cartoon.  They will never drive.  Never marry.  Never live on their own.  So many posts...I am often so jealous of my peers with normal kids, Those who are going off to college,  Having relationships.  Driving, and just living and experiencing.  While I am proud of what my boys have done...they are their very BEST they CAN be...it's still deeply heart wrenching.

I sometimes can see them through some mother filter, and imagine normal IQ.  And how amazing they could have been...and while that may sound horrible to some people...it is honest.  Now we do have a 'normal' girl.  She is eleven.  Actually very very bright.  Gifted.  Talented. And an amazing joy to the entire family.  Often she is what keeps me sane.

Write.  Every day.
That college professor has made his mark.
Write.  Every day.

I am excited to DO this.
Have a computer again that is mine to use.
Only mine.  No one here can see.  Yet anyway.

H(P)